THE MIDLIFE CRISIS

Am I Titling this Blog correctly. Have I reached mid age and am I in a crisis ? The former might not hold correct since I am pushing late thirties but yes the latter is always a predominant factor in our lives ! Crisis...a lot of us are familiar with the word and come across the same on a frequent basis.

God created individuals and individuals have dreams. Is there a difference between reality and dreams. For some it is a combination of both, for some it is an unacheivable thought, for some who aspire and perspire to realize it ......and for some who are midway to it.

I came across a campaign slogan a few days back, " Dreams are not what you visualize in your sleep, but dreams are those which do not let you sleep. " How many of us have been excited over a new toy, new gift, new promotion, new girlfriend/wife, new vacation and have tossed and turned around in bed in anticipation for it to become the reality. Would you call them short term goals or small dreams ? And then there are the larger dreams which one visualizes sitting in an office cubicle, coffee shop, lunch canteen, waiting at the bus stop. For majority of the average Indians it would be a lavish sprawling bungalow, that swanky car parked in the driveway, the guard saluting at your every move. Those rich Armani suits, and the Jimmy Choo shoes.To some the larger dreams are what they exactly would like to do with their life, follow their passions, come in terms with their inner soul and set course on the untreaded path. Which category do you fall under ?

The guy with the mansion and the cars and the lifestyle might have moved out from the cubicle to a personal office space with that satisfied smile on his face, but the smile will surely disappear if you walk up to him and whisper in his ear, " Is this what you want to do the rest of your life ?". 8 out of 10 chances the guy will give you a different answer, " I actually wanted to become a Paragliding Instructor !"

So why am I boring you with these philosophical thoughts. Either I have a lot of free time in my life or I have taken the spirituality. The former holds true. I do have a lot of time since I am unemployed. I get that smirk and the look from all and sundry when they question, " So you don't have a job?" And then the rant goes on my compensation, my wife, my kids, my cars, etc, etc. Was it a situation I am into by choice. The answer would be yes. I decided to get off the employment roster for sometime, relocating myself to a new location and culture.

Now one would think why is this nut who is close to midlife get himself into such a crisis ? This is where the title gets relevance. The term " Crisis " can have different meaning and symbolism depending on one's perspective. For majority of my acquaintances " crisis " would mean the void in my life, no means of earning the big bucks, the mansion and the car all blown up in smoke. For me crisis lies in the situation to pursue my dreams or follow the regular course. My choice of unemployment was fueled by the passion to get started to realize what I actually wanted to do in my life.

On one hand I have the social pressure and stigma to take employment and keep my dreams in the backdrop, and get back at it at some point of life when my hair is grey and my joints are weak. I probably would be too old and weak to enjoy it. And on the other hand lies the road to my destination. A path filled with uncertainties and obstacles, sheer hardwork and determination, yet providing  pleasure and joy at every turn and every twist. The light would shine at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel in itself is dark and sinister. Am I ready to take this path or the other one. I am in a crisis standing at a crossroad of "living" and "just living". I will still make that fancy house, with those fabulous cars parked in the driveway, the difference would be I want to achieve it not the mundane way, but living the wonderful experience called life.

So what do I actually want to do in my life ? The picture at the top of the page denotes everything. Imagine getting paid for what you love to do the best. Living and breathing and weaving your life around your passions. Yes, I would definitely want to follow the unchartered territory with its share of challenges. There are 3 different categories of people : 1. People who have already achieved what they have dreamt. 2. People who sit and dream and think of achieving it but do not take steps towards it. 3. And the third category who have the courage to start working towards that dream.

Which category I would like myself to be associated with ? Definately the last. So hence I set foot, not to turn back since its cowards who show their backs to adverse circumstances !!!

How I gave a family member the boot

I still probably feel sad about this …..but  I gave one of my family member the boot. Someone with whom a relationship was established from the day I got acquainted with him. My wanderings and indecisiveness in life had led me to one of the main streets on the capital where I laid eyes on him for the first time….tall, clean , masculine, polished looks which beckoned to me to make introductions with him , an undefined urge to have him as a part of my life , to start a chapter which would last for the days till I took my last breath.

Curbing the excitement within me and with gleaming eyes like a little child I did take the bold steps towards this towering personality, all the while a passing thought running in the back of my mind ….will I able to persuade him to share the feelings I have for him and be reciprocated for the same. I was confronted and stopped in my tracks by an individual, who claimed himself to be the caretaker of  the shining star of my eyes. Brief introductions with him and I let him know my intentions , told him that I would really want to take Mr. Royal ( that’s what I had nicknamed him at that point of time ) home with me. The fleeting smile across his face did give me a welcome response , but explanations of the paperwork and the documentations gave a sudden jolt to my plans.  I realized that acheving my dreams was not so easy as it had seemed. Why should a piece of paper stand in the way of me, and my beloved, was the question which seemed unsolved at that moment . I as a matter of fact did not have the required credentials to make Mr.Royal a part of my life, and me. No amount of negotiations could persuade the caretaker that I will be able to own him legally as soon as possible. Depressed , dejected I lost hope about the thought ,and trudged along back home, devising plans that by any means I have to get Mr.Royal to me.Ethics were out of question , when you are in awe of something and want it, you can cross all barriers and boundaries to get it.

Flashforward a few days and I saw Mr.Royal once again at a neighbouring shop ..the same unsettled demeanour , exuding charm all along, impressing everyone in contact with him. That was the point I decided that I will have to utilize all my tactics and antics to get him this time . Its human tendency, if you dive deep down within yourself you surprise yourself with the capability you have, to pull a feat which at some point of time seemed impossible. I finally did it and after a lot of financial compromises and negotiations came the evening when Mr. Royal- the esteemed walked back with me to my humble dwellings, and started a journey of  enchanting  memories and experiences ,which till date I cherish and is the reason why I am penning it down !!

Every morning I would wake up and put my hand on his shoulder ,and inform him that I am finally living the dream to have him as a part of my household , to share and give me comfort on my long weaning days and lonely nights . My better half also took a liking to him, and considered him to be a part of the family . She did realize how much I loved him, as much I loved her and those close to me. I shopped for him, to get him the best of clothes , shoes , accessories . All my thoughts throughout the day were occupied with how to make him look more attractive , an object of envy for others . It did happen ,everyone and sundry who came across eyed him with pangs of jealousy , wanted to share some moments with him , had intentions that they would probably steal him from me and all other kinds of  thoughts . I was enjoying and living it every moment , the feeling that I owned him, and  possessed him .I think words are too meager to describe the feeling.

Days , months , years passed . The bonding had definitely become stronger. We took long rides together traversing the scenic geographies , engulfing the miles and the black tarmac with ease . Mr.Royal had become an epitome with me sharing some of the most wonderful escapades from the mundane life which I live. Together we were buddies forever , drinking gallons to the miles , with the wind in our faces , crunching the distances with our hearts singing “ I am a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride , I’m wanted dead or alive “ by Jon Bonjovi ….that song by the way stlll holds a very special place in my heart ….thanks to Mr. Royal . We were on cloud 9 .

Like all relationships there comes a time when the sailing is not always smooth , there comes a time when your love, patience and perseverance is tested . The same situation cropped up in our lives ,Mr. Royal’s and mine . Niggling issues began cropping up . The more I sorted them, the more they developed. As a matter of fact affording his almighty became a task for me, since I was spending a whopping amount to keep him fit and fine . Gradually what we developed was a love-hate relationship ….the hate part becoming more and more prominent . With every ugly situation resolved , I hoped that there would be no more , however I was still faced with more ugly ones . I started to chastise him , ignorance getting more prominent . I still shared some good moments with him but the frequency of them were becoming less with time . What I was hating was that I was spending my time, energy , patience with him and in return what I got was issues and problems .

I still abhor the day or lets say the moment when the thought crossed my mind I need to get rid of him for good !!! It was this devilish feeling which grew with time and took over me to search for alternatives to oust him from my life . I was not ready to accept Mr. Royal with his tantrums , either he mended his ways or he was going to get another house. I surely found and alternative and did what till date I repent, to let go of Mr.Royal , my partner in rhyme , someone who I do not know where he is now, and cannot get him back . I still remember the last time I saw him go …still that magnificient stance , head held high , not looking back at me  since I was the ditcher …the one who broke the promise , the code, brothers forever ! Ironically what I think is that I am the person missing him and wanting to get him back, than probably him sharing the same feeling. But alas what is gone is gone …..and reconciliations are what have to be lived with!!

Well in case if you are wondering who Mr.Royal was …….it was my red coloured , chromed , gleaming Royal Enfield Thunderbird….my bike, my soul ….who is lost in oblivion forever !!!!!

Free Flowing Thoughts from the Mind of a Disgruntled Human Being

Life is a monotonous episode which is even worse than the tear jerking soaps that our beloved fair sex ogle at everyday, sacrificing the basic amenities provided by the almighty !! What is supposed to be done? Is there a solution to the problem, or is it larger than milky way itself ,which probably cannot be conquered .Escape is the only silver lining in the sky, but could it be done , when you have all the responsibilities one would  like to stash in a dumpster, and live life as it is supposed to be lived .To the 'lees' as said in 'Ulysses' ....to enjoy the freedom in the air, and relish the taste of sweet dew drops on the leaves....a situation out of a sci fi ,depicting the scenario when the world was not scathed by manmade machines of destruction...isn’t it ?? But honestly I care a fig if my grammatical construction in the paragraph is incorrect, of if my syntax is out of place .All I would want is to take the less traveled path to eternal satisfaction, with someone whom I would like to be with, till probably the last breath of my life…. for companionship in this materialistic world , which only cares for who is having a bigger bank balance, or who is having a high flying career. Are these what we are born to be doing in the whole life span? Did god write a procedural code which needs to be followed by every individual? Slog yourself from the time you have your senses in place...it is like a code which we follow...the moment you are on your feet, free from parental support you are supposed to be an established person financially, and in all other spheres of life, get married ,have kids and live life making negotiations with compromises…. so that you can get a tiny share of the big chocolate cake

Life sings only one note ,which is slower than a lazy snail and more interesting than the melodious voice of K.L Saigal!!!hmmmmmmmm so enter that phase where you have the

 potency of getting a bullet ricocheted off you skin, since it has become even tougher than a rhino, who would like to trade that with his.Days,months,and years pass by and you suddenly realize that you've reached the end of the journey, the final destination, where the countdown stops. The ticking of the eternal time bomb finally reaches the restart time. So would you like it to start all over again ?  Live the same pathetic excuse for life ,following the same old monotony personified ,and repeat the mundane routine all over again...probably not!!

This is where I beg to differ from the crowd and take the less treaded path to what I think is traversing the journey of life on a different note. A journey which possible would consist of internal happiness. In enjoying every morning, appreciating the beauty of the morning sunshine visible through the haze of smog, which is so common is our daily existence. Catching a fleeting glimpse of the dewdrops on the leaves, and the spirited chirping of birds denoting their freedom, and ironically expressing the same emotion to the human mankind, to some of whom this is still an alien concept. To possibly wake up without the help of something which is so common and without which we find ourselves unable to crank up our engines every morning...to cut the chase ...something called as 'alarm clocks'. Doesn’t that word sound familiar, of course it does ..I love the melodious ring of it waking me up from a different world, which only and categorically can be achieved as we say in our dreams. A passing thought: I have heard people mentioning a phrase 'something which can only be achieved in our dreams’, why does it need to follow the same. Cannot something what we enjoy in that heavenly world be brought to reality?

What makes it so difficult...probably the absence of the zeal to transform the same situations into realistic situations, probably the lack of the zeal to follow your intuitions not bound by specific parameters, where we are free to choose how we live it and do it. I know I am talking philosophical s@#t here but trust me fellows take a peep within your hearts, you will agree to what I am mentioning here. If so then why are we cowards to break the barriers and follow the same. Are the materialistic objects in our lives so important that we have forgotten how a clear blue sea looks like ,or are we unaware of the sounds of waves lapping melodiously against the rocks on a sea shore. Trust me guys I have come across people who do not know what a sea looks like , or how it sounds! That is one pathetic person who probably would not be able to explain it to his children the beauties of life, a person who has lived his entire duration under the rule of the thumb. People who have encountered the same from your bosses, from your spouses, from girlfriends and boyfriends, providing accountability of his or her actions under a martial law kind of situation. I have worked in organizations where you have to take permission from your bosses to even take a pee!!A friend of mine had asked me a question or lets say given me a situation , something related to the above instance, what if my boss does not allow me to take the pee...what would I do? Let me ask you the same question what would you do? Let your kidney fill to the brim and burst or defy him and probably walk off. There are also another category of people who would prefer letting of the leak in their pants than be man enough to direct it at the supervisor. Now that is one ideal situation of getting fired!!!But hardly anybody of us has the bollocks of doing the same....!Now do not get me wrong here, I am not trying to instigate you or encroach on your means of  livelihood, I am just stating an example or our inadaptability of not following the protocol. I am trying to highlight the ultimate level, where you follow what your heart predicts and what your mind wants to do, and not what you are doing without having participation of you emotions in it. Have you ever given a thought to what you actually want is generated in the membranes of your brain or  it originates somewhere deep within you. It initiates with a thought which develops , but ultimately does not have a channel for expression, since it is lost in oblivion owing to factors which we seem to consider mandatory for our very existence.

Consider the situation of Adam and Eve being introduced to the world which we live in today. Do you think they would be walking stark naked, chewing an apple, and enjoying the sights of sky scrapers and swanky gas guzzling SUVs which would leave a cloud of dark smoke on their pretty faces. They would wish they were still living in the same natural environment , and enjoying the apple which possible has not been injected with a syringe containing pesticides, to make it look like an apple which would definitely not keep the doctor away. Hypothetically what if we were transformed into the world in which they lived? I am sure a lot of us would miss keeping regular acquaintance with the brands which we love so dearly, and without which our lives are so empty, even emptier than vacuum itself! The fresh air would be so suffocating for us, that that we would be needing artificial respiratory devices to keep our hearts pumping the fake emotions which every living being comprises of today. We would be looking for means of taking advantage of those simple beings, and if we fail to do so we would discard them as being absolute worthless pieces of meat, who do not fit in our societies and our emotionless circles of relationships, where every human being is cherish!!                                       concerned about what the other person has to contribute to the materialistic pleasures we so much

Was almost there ....missed it

Hello my beloved people ....let me take you through a story of a young man , totally lost in his thoughts , dreams ,aspirations , a different outlook of the way he viewed the world wading through life's chores to destination undefined. A person who started with myriad images in his childhood , vague perspectives in his youth , still searching for the true calling beckoning his talent .
Yep he is the protagonist of the play which does not have an ending as per the director !!! However let us consider the effort put in by our hero of the day to save face for himself and his band of members , the effort to uphold the reputation of his expectation setting done with himself as a person, and with souls who are a part of the rosy picture he sees for himself and for them day after day.
The effort was worth it, keeping in mind the change of strategy he had devised for himself some years back . He was an actor who was highly popular among folks. He was a constant source of entertainment and laughter for all who surrounded him, and clapped at his antics . There was a world of adulation he was living in and surely hoped that time would show him the picture perfect image of him ranked among those successful .
Time and experiences had something different  in store for him . People came and moved out of his life , each one of them with their own success stories and accomplishments but our beloved actor was left where he had started, still a muse without a worth !!! He suddenly realised that his surroundings and the people living in them had moved along in their lives , were quite happy and satisfied , and were still fulfilling their insatiable desires for more. He too shared the same feelings but he still had to make a start .
Reality check was I guess done too late by him . But he decided to catch the bus as long as it is there at the stop. He frantically made attempts to save the act which he had so indegeniously  designed for himself . He set a timebomb for himself and started working his way in making utilization of whatever was left of his life to reaching the goal.. His daily struggles led him across different geographies , people , environment all having their  own selfish motives to fulfill . He was being used as a scapegoat , a stepping stone , an unappreciated individual who had to dig deep within him to still carry on with his endeavours . There were instances when promises were made to him but only to be broken , an image created only to be destroyed . Expectations started crashing since his hard work and toil was not reaping benefits . It just went down the drain . He still stands in the middle of nowhere wondering what went wrong as far as his actions or luck , still visualizing the happy life he had wanted , searching for answers , trying to catch the air in his hands !!!!